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lyrics

And when I fell, sure, I knew what'd come.
"You can only run for so long, you lucky son of a gun.
And neither fate nor fairness give a damn what you've become;
There's not a lover so righteous they never get it wrong
and get shat on, like their faith was just a pen;
get shat on, like they're in high school again."
Of course, I knew sometime it'd have to be
like this. It all started coming back to me.

Oh, I remember this. It's the positive worst.
All the groaning and the heaving and the waiting to burst;
and then bursting at last, so bored and so sore
that it's even a chore just to fall to the floor.

But before, it was different; see, I'd shudder from fear,
and I'd bloody my knuckles just praying for tears.
But I've been standing stock still since the day you gutted me,
and crying's not half the relief I thought it'd be.

No, I don't know just what I thought would surface then,
if all this mess you talk would start to sound like words again.
I know I said I couldn't believe you anymore;
still, I think I liked it better the way I couldn't do it before.

You used to love my laugh, you said. "Keep it up a minute or two
longer this time." 'Cause if I kept mine, you might get to keep yours too.
Well, it's stopped now, and I'm sorry. I did all I could for you.
But it was yours that winked out first, I think, if memory's true.

"Oh, why'd you go and say a thing like that, you spiteful S.O.B.?
Like she needed one more reason not to stand here next to me."
I'm sorry, Lisa. One never doubts he's in his lover's eyes.
But losing that, the things he does to know he's recognized.

But besides, I've got all these questions still.
Like, are you sure this isn't a test of will?
Because I still can't believe those things you wrote to me.
I keep reading them. They keep stirring hope in me.

And how stupid would I have to be
to think you might come back to me?
This is, of course, speaking hypothetically;
I'm only curious how such an unfettering
would move you, if any of this was how I really felt,
which of course it is, which I can't keep to myself.
Of course it is, and I can't keep to myself.

credits

from Music From And Inspired By Our Doomed Love Affair, released August 1, 2008

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Amina Shareef Ali Oakland, California

Based in Oakland, California, Amina Shareef Ali performs songs of love and struggle, of pain and wonder, of loss and redemption. Lyrics by turns poignant and sardonic are set against a backdrop of American music both traditional and modern, from folk to punk to country to jazz to rock and roll. ... more

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