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In The Dark (Awake Of Course​)​, Vol. 2

by Amina Shareef Ali

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1.
To Robin, Or No One At All 03:40
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Yeah, you know life ain't no chocolate box Shit ain't sweet so much as half the time I'd love a word with that confectioner Dreamed up the toothaches that I've had in mine Guess I'm lucky to have had my pick Robin, you were one of the good ones I've wasted years making myself sick Searching for the flavor I tasted once Though I know that I'm still in your heart Wonder how it ever got so full How can one heart hold so much How is that even possible Getting older ain't always a gas, but It ain't the same as getting closer to death So maybe I forgive you after all For stopping me from destroying myself Put away all of my best laid plans Figure everything will take its course I fall asleep sitting in the sun Or lie there in the dark, awake of course Found some scraps I think could be redeemed I guess it happens to the worst of them I've given up trying to be free Instead I'm trying to be worth a damn Though I know that I'm still in your heart Wonder how it ever got so full How can one heart hold so much How is that even possible Getting older ain't always a gas, but It ain't the same as getting closer to death So maybe I forgive you after all For stopping me from destroying myself
2.
Artifacts 03:14
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I skipped calling on your birthday this year In case you're still there keeping score Guess you planned a lot of funerals lately You probably figured, what's one more Honey, you're gonna wanna take your time Reconsider any promises you wanna make Only thing for sure is it's gonna take time But that's not all it's gonna take My life is littered with your artifacts Memories shimmering and slow But if all our joy is already past Then I can take my memories and go But you cannot hate what I became Without hating things that already were So was it a seed, or was it a worm That you discovered at the apple's core And maybe your heart knows shame Maybe you figure you can't come back You would know that better than me But if you do, you better come correct And I sort of wish that I could speed it up To when I'm ready to forgive But it ain't the time that I wish it was No, it's the time that it is
3.
Tinder 02:54
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Time was I could beg my lover to stay Pointing out that we were both hurting We're both too old for that shit now And I can't even do the next worst thing Pretend that I don't understand What I couldn't in my ephemeral youth That what you whispered weren't promises But just your temporal truth Time was what I thought we'd plenty of When I took that last raincheck Now I know that they're past redemption But I'm still not past regret Our imagined future cherished times Sweet memories ahead Rendered down into a few lines Of melody instead Time was I could've held back your words That made us walk our separate ways Dear, you know I know the temptation To send it up in a spectacular blaze Yeah I know it aches to carry it But dropping it smarts even more Don't give the dry tinder of my heart The spark it so longs for Yeah, I know it aches to carry it Better than spilling it 'cross the floor Don't give the dry tinder of my heart The spark it so longs for
4.
Is Love A Bird? 02:50
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Sweetest song I ever heard Up and gone 'fore I've even stirred Leave without saying a word Is love a bird Unwelcome guest, unwitting host Thing I've feared and longed for most A little death, or something close Is love a ghost As sharp as shale, as smooth as bone As plain as dun, as rich as roan A bond avowed, a distance thrown Is love a stone A stream of thought, a rite rehearsed A silent prayer, a chanted curse To raise the dead, or something worse Is love a verse Is love a bird Awesome, frightful or absurd Is love a ghost Kept from rest by a secret not one other soul knows Is love a stone A splash in the night, a crack and a groan Is love a verse A race to see who can finish first Quarry undetected, hunter undeterred Is love a bird
5.
Laurel Leaves 03:36
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When Laurel wakes, in a fog of dreams and hair When Laurel aches, she aches everywhere Her belly, her shoulder, her temple throbbing and sore When Laurel leaves, she leaves me wanting more When Laurel cries, her eyes more red than blue When Laurel lies, the truth more false than true It's a misprinted headline, the former tenant's house keys When Laurel leaves, she leaves me ill at ease When Laurel leaves, she don't leave me with a lot If I had the shot, I would take back every part Every sin, every wicked or noble thought Out of the goodness or badness of her heart When Laurel spreads herself across my skin, I never felt so soft When I can't pick out her flag above the fray, I never felt so lost When Laurel lends herself to my stock, I taste her more the next day When Laurel keeps me, she keeps my troubles at bay When Laurel keeps me, she keeps my troubles at bay
6.
A Student Of Love 05:04
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My whole life I've spent as a student of love It's amazing how much ground you can cover Not looking back, and not looking above Just putting one foot in front of the other I've toiled and I've pondered each lesson in turn Reminded myself I'd live without it But when you told me to choose the next lesson I learn I had to sit down in the shower about it Love, I implore you Love, I revere you Love, I adore you But I don't fear you I orate, I dance, I nominate myself To judge the fitness of reason You level my stance, you say, prostrate thyself only witness the season The harsh knife of winter, the cool balm of spring The sweat and stench of summer's garden But none so majestic as when life salutes death The color and crackle of autumn What formula love? At best, it's clear you Are neither solution nor solvent. Love, I adore you, but I've never feared you Maybe that's my problem I would plead, I would pray, I would pay just to get it In writing, that promise you gave Whether tender or wise, child, never forget it: Love is anything but safe Love, I implore you Love, I revere you Love, I adore you But I don't fear you Should I summon the storm? The rain and the thunder of judgment? Perish the thought I pick this ruin of pain and of wonder And cherish my queer broken heart Each morning my burden the same as before To shoulder this boulder up the hill And each day I say I couldn't love you any more When we both know full well I will
7.
Twin 01:56
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I am my own twin, I am my own twin I am a squirming pitiful vermin Exterminate me, I am a termite You tolerate me, you kiss your house goodbye Send me with poison back to my own kind Tell me it's medicine, I'll realize in my own time Give me the right tools to fix my own mind I am my own twin, I am my own twin I am a symbiont He lives inside of me, his personality It still inflects me, I remember his dreams We shared a childhood, started on the right foot But try as we could, we weren't no good Try as we could, neither of us were any good I am my own twin, they'd dress us up the same My mom still gets confused sometimes and calls me his name He came out first so they love him just a little more But I know none of us are getting what we long for No, I know none of us are getting what we bargained for I used to feel him, but I forgot how I loved him too, Ma, but I'm all you've got now
8.
I Don't Close The Book 03:11
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Couple years back when I was back in L.A. I fell in with my high school lover We had a weeklong romance back in the day Couple years back we had another We reminisced about the things we used to do We did some things we'd never done before And she told me she never expected to I said honey, I'll tell you what for I don't close the book on nothing I don't ever douse the flame Once the spirit knocks I don't tell it To get back to whence it came You might think the chapter's ending But if you take a closer look That's my finger in the binding I don't ever close the book Darling, for years now, you've taught me about passion But it's been that other sort for awhile We shared a tenderness of our own particular fashion We fell out in spectacular style Right at this time I don't wanna say hi on the street Yeah, I guess you could say that it's been rough But down the line if it still feels like something's sweet Honey, I know myself well enough I don't close the book on nothing I don't ever douse the flame Once the spirit knocks I don't tell it To get back to whence it came You might think the chapter's ending But if you take a closer look That's my finger in the binding I don't ever close the book I got my finger in the binding I don't ever close the book
9.
Love Of My Death 04:38
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Well you entered my heart just as quiet and quick as a blade So how can I say it wouldn't have been worse if you'd stayed The truth is only true the first time that you speak it Like any other secret, ain't no one can keep it And it can't keep itself But never fear, there's other stories to tell I swallowed those kisses like expensive medicine But each time I missed a dose, had to start the course again So I slipped deeper in love, I slid deeper in debt Love of my life, love of my death When last we laid eyes, a parting so bloodless and neat No mess on your hands but the stain won't come out of the sheet It's selfish I know but after all that we'd been through I wanted to make you take some part of me with you And still keep myself Now I'm not here, I'm not here, and I'm not anywhere else All those presents I left on the porch for you You know I didn't pay for them, you know they weren't free Is it true that I carry a torch for you I certainly don't do it for me I swallowed those kisses like expensive medicine But each time I missed a dose, had to start the course again So I slipped deeper in love, I slid deeper in debt Love of my life, love of my death I shunned my senses, just as if I'd seen a ghost A story I didn't dare share, and now it was years ago But it wasn't clear there was anything there 'til there was nothing left Love of my life, love of my death Love of my life, love of my death Love of my life, love of my death
10.
Farewell To My Man 04:12
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Today's the day that I said farewell to my man Packed up, left half my stuff, I didn't have a plan But last night I drew The Moon, and this morning I drew Death I left my lipstick on the shot glass, I didn't waste another breath I can't say I was never yours In the pool hall, in the punk bar, in the backseat, yeah of course You wonder why it's ending, but you don't know why it began It's eighteen to the state line, and farewell to my man I loved you in linen, or grimy with bike grease In tank tops, in blue jeans cut off above the knees But that hat you wore, oh, it's such a bore, and this is just to say I'm keeping your leather jacket, it looks better on me anyway I can't say you were never mine You were darling when you faltered, when you swaggered you were swine If there's a pay phone at the rest stop, I'll call you when I can But it's two bucks to the counter girl, and farewell to my man I can't say I'll never be back And I might quit smoking, right after opening a new pack You gave it everything you had, I took all that I could stand All my love to you, babe, but farewell to my man Call up my tattoo guy, I've got some chapters to end It's sixty minimum to Matty, and farewell to my man And ain't no one is innocent, I know it like the back of my hand All my love to you, babe, but farewell to my man All my love to you, babe, but farewell to my man
11.
Andi, Amanda, Amina 03:34
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Andi, I want to tell you something from my truest heart From my blackest heart, from my bluest heart I asked Amanda if she thought I was a fool she doesn't entertain questions like that, as a rule I came to love you from my meanest heart from my reddest heart, from my greenest heart A year ago I said I wouldn't say it anymore but the fact is, Andi, I'm even readier than before I know you don't speak in code, but if you did I've heard a shred of doubt is a place you've often hid So from my youngest heart, from my oldest heart I'm calling to you from the boldest part Andi, come and live with me, look at all the space I've got Amanda finally answered me, no Amina, of course not I told her what I'd say if I were telling it to someone else Of course you are, now get out there, make a fool out of yourself

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released October 18, 2023

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Amina Shareef Ali Oakland, California

Based in Oakland, California, Amina Shareef Ali performs songs of love and struggle, of pain and wonder, of loss and redemption. Lyrics by turns poignant and sardonic are set against a backdrop of American music both traditional and modern, from folk to punk to country to jazz to rock and roll. ... more

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